


all we've known

by honeywaves



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Romance, also tyunning, sunki are implied??, this is a 10k fic of yeonjun pining im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:09:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26676463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeywaves/pseuds/honeywaves
Summary: "Have you ever confessed to someone before? Someone you really liked?"Yeonjun thinks that he takes pride in saying what's on his mind. But somehow, when it comes to someone like Beomgyu, he becomes tongue-tied as he loses every remnant of courage within him.(He thinks that it's all right if he never tells Beomgyu what he truly feels. Until he finds himself falling further and further into a tangled mess of feelings.As it turns out, a talk with a fifteen year old is all that it takes to untangle them slowly.)
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 6
Kudos: 151





	all we've known

**Author's Note:**

  * For [prodbeomgyu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/prodbeomgyu/gifts).



> happiest birthday, max! honestly, i only planned this to be around 5k? but i unknowingly doubled that so haha, surprise? anyway, i hope you like my gift!
> 
> p.s. i know you like sunki a lot so i had to search about them just to figure out their dynamics so i can include them in the fic :D

"Have you ever confessed to someone before?"

"What?"

Yeonjun knows that he should have expected this conversation to happen. It's late at night, it's cold and he's sitting right in front of Beomgyu, whose cheeks are flushed from the coldness sinking its teeth onto his skin and also because of the alcohol seeping through his veins. He looks pretty though—he always does. 

It's always a distraction for someone like Yeonjun.

"Have you ever," Beomgyu pauses this time, only to pour some more soju into Yeonjun's glass. He barely fills it up before he speaks again, voice softer than ever. "Confessed to someone before? Someone you really liked?"

"What's with the question?"

Yeonjun heaves a sigh, letting it wrap around his words as he picks up the shot glass. He doesn't waste another second before he downs it, feeling a little more breathless than he should as he slams the glass on the surface of the table. He catches sight of the way Beomgyu jumps in surprise at the impact but he doesn't dwell on it too much.

"Do you like someone, Gyu-yah?"

He always found him endearing. 

There's something about the way the heat runs through the column of Beomgyu's neck, rushing to his cheeks before the tips of ears end up burning in red. Right now, he's on the verge of embarrassment and he can't even lift his eyes from the shot glasses set out in front of them.

He's so, _so_ endearing and it hurts to think about it. 

God, Yeonjun hates it a little how much he adores him. It consumes him—it tightens its hold around his chest and steals his breath away, words never falling from his lips. He clenches his jaw slightly, ignoring the slight twinge in his heartstrings again.

_Not now._

"I do," Beomgyu murmurs, turning his head away as he downs the soju. When he speaks again, his voice sounds a little rough around the edges but the shyness is still there. It's always there, like he's constantly flustered over little things like love.

"But I don't think I can ever say what I want to him."

 _Oh,_ Yeonjun swallows thickly, ignoring the more obvious tug at his heartstrings this time around. It's more difficult to ignore it but he tries his best—he has to try his best for him at least, right?

And so, Yeonjun leans in with bright eyes and an even brighter smile. Saying the words that leave him aching to see more of Beomgyu's sweet smile when he said them out loud.

"Why don't you tell me about him?"

* * *

Now, Yeonjun thinks that he prides himself in saying what's on his mind.

He's a little too brutally honest. Too many thoughts in his head—he might come off cruel if he needed to be. Though he can say pretty words to anyone who needs to hear them, he doesn't struggle so much in saying what he really thinks of something.

"Soobin, you're not going out looking like that, right? _Please_ tell me I'm right."

"Taehyun, Kai's not going to wait around _forever—you_ need to tell him what you've been thinking about for years."

"Kai, are you really telling me that you're going to wait for your graduation before you tell Taehyun what you feel? _Really?_ "

"Beomgyu-yah, I think I like you."

The last one though—he never said them.

No, it's more like he let the thought drift through his head. It's more of walking right into a record store with Beomgyu, standing right next to him and seeing him play out a vinyl record. It's staring at Beomgyu with a bright smile, seeing the way the younger boy sings along to the song playing on the speakers and Yeonjun thinking to himself, "Beomgyu-yah, I think I like you."

It's stupid—it sounds so cliché. Falling in love with your best friend, who's been with you for years and years and thinking that what you have, you never want it to change.

But at that moment, Yeonjun wanted it to change. He wanted _everything_ to change so bad. As he stood right next to Beomgyu, hearing him sing to timeless songs and feeling his fingers around his wrist, pulling him along and saying with a laugh, "Come on, hyung. Dance with me!", everything in Yeonjun's world shifted the slightest. He doesn't notice it at first but the moment he does, it's as if he can't stop noticing every little detail that fixated themselves into a string in front of him. Almost as if it would be a sin to not notice anything like that. 

The fairy lights that the owners of the shop have set up around the ceiling seem like pretty stars that are dancing over their heads. The love song playing on that vinyl record that day felt like it was written for them—it felt like it was written about what he felt for Beomgyu.

_You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you._

Everything seems so much softer, so much more beautiful. And it's all because of Beomgyu.

"Gyu-yah, hyung likes you so much."

He wants to say those words to him. A confession that aches to burst right through his ribcage and spill itself past the lines of his palms. 

Yeonjun does not know how to love in peace. For as long as he knew himself, he had learned to love by waging a war in his head. Thoughts crashing and pulling themselves apart, all bruised knees and cheeks because he kept falling. Over and over again. 

But he loved him. He knows that he loved him for so long already.

And it's just so frustrating because Beomgyu is so oblivious.

Instead of saying, "Beomgyu, I like you," he winds up saying the words, "Beomgyu, you look so pretty today." He even reaches out, fingers brushing through the other boy's dark strands and feeling the stars light up in his irises. He _does_ look pretty when he's flustered and happy and for a moment, Yeonjun feels like Beomgyu has finally caught on to what he's feeling the entirety of this time.

But everything breaks itself apart when Beomgyu only smiles widely and says out loud, "Thank you, hyung! Soobin hyung also said the same thing to me this morning when we met up for coffee. Oh, that reminds me of what happened in my first class—"

The rest of the compliment very gently drifts away from Beomgyu's fingertips and Yeonjun tries not to let the words linger under his skin. It's forgotten like a memory that's never meant to stay there in the first place. Yeonjun is stupefied but it's easy to ignore the disappointment and just slip into a persona that he has known for years already—Beomgyu's best friend.

He's always going to be Beomgyu's best friend before anything else.

But it doesn't end there. 

No, of course _not._ Everything hangs by a thread that could break and for a moment, Yeonjun wants to think that maybe this is the end—this is the part when Beomgyu finally notices. 

But as Beomgyu only smiles at him with the same smile that he had been giving him for years, Yeonjun realizes that it's not yet the end. At least, he hopes it's not yet the end for the two of them. 

As Soobin likes to say to him, "Didn't you confess to him fifty times already? How could he not see what you've been trying to do for the past year?" There's always a laugh after his words and Yeonjun can't help but level a glare at him every time though the younger boy doesn't even flinch.

Soobin is right though. As much as it wounds Yeonjun's pride to admit it, Beomgyu is too oblivious in every clue that he had hastily dropped.

Telling him how pretty he looks never works. Nor does buying a sweater for the two of them, saying to him that the sweater looks so pretty on him. Or how about the times when he lets Beomgyu borrow nearly anything in his closet but if any of his other friends try to glance at his clothes, he's already on the verge of scolding them without an end. 

It's Taehyun that doesn't get to stop himself from muttering under his breath one time when Yeonjun told him that he couldn't borrow the sweater with the slightly frayed ends. Honestly, it's a little old and Yeonjun can already tell that it's getting smaller on his frame but somehow, he can't find it in himself to let other people wear it. Beomgyu gave that sweater to him after all. 

"That's so unfair." Taehyun has a frown curving along his lips, eyeing the sweater hidden behind the racks of clothes that Yeonjun owns. Kai is the one who backs him up, sniffling slightly, "Exactly, the favoritism is just blatantly obvious now." 

Beomgyu is the one who notices the subtle exchange between his friends. He glances up from the row of coats that Yeonjun has, already on his way to taking one of the oversized ones. The kind of coat that hangs over his shoulders and the sleeves end up being too long that his palms are barely slipping past. Yeonjun didn't think that it would be more possible for Beomgyu to shrink but in those little moments, he's reminded of the (small) height difference between them. 

"What favoritism?" 

Taehyun laughs, shaking his head as if he's in disbelief. "You, hyung," He gestures at the coat that's being tugged on by Beomgyu, raising a brow at him. "Yeonjun hyung likes you, that's what." 

Yeonjun falls still at that, his heart rushing to his throat. His fingers are trembling so hard, forcing him to tug on the hem of his shirt in a way to hide them as he glares at Taehyun. The red haired boy doesn't even seem to be apologetic and right at that moment, Yeonjun understands why he didn't care that he said those words out loud.

"Of course he likes me the best," Beomgyu scoffs as he slips right into the coat. It fits him like a home that he had missed as he lights up, a pretty smile on his lips. "I'm his best friend after all." 

Kai is the first one to react, sinking his teeth right onto the older boy's words. He arches a brow, barely able to stifle the laugh that almost slipped by his mouth. "Of course, Yeonjun hyung _does_ like you."

"As a best friend." Taehyun unhelpfully adds and Kai dissolves into giggles that he could no longer hold back. Beomgyu only gazes at Yeonjun with the confusion written all over his features, mouthing, _What's wrong with these two?_

It takes everything—absolutely _everything_ —for Yeonjun not to let those words spill past his lips. He's not going to say them out loud when he's in a cramped closet with three other people. No, he wants to say them when he's ready. Maybe take Beomgyu somewhere with so many pretty stars in the night sky and tell him the words that he's been aching to say for almost a year now.

"Beomgyu, I like you."

But he _can't_ do it. 

Not yet.

And so, with a shake of his head and a listless shrug of his shoulders, he gently pushes the two younger boys out of the cramped closet space. "Get out, I'm not letting any of you borrow any of my clothes from now on." 

"You never let us borrow any of your clothes! Only Beomgyu hyung gets to do that!" 

That's all that leaves Kai's mouth before the door becomes forcibly slammed right at their faces, leaving the rest of his words to fall away into nothingness. Yeonjun is almost afraid to glance over his shoulder and catch the sight of realization dawning on Beomgyu's expression. But when he does weakly gather the shards of courage in his chest, he only sees the way Beomgyu is back to shifting through the other coats, as if he never heard the words in the first place. 

A frustrated sigh leaves his lips as he crashes his back against the door. There's a heavy thud that's loud enough for Beomgyu to gaze at him in concern but he only waves a hand dismissively, shaking his head. And then, they fall right back into a routine that they've known so well for years now—being each other's best friends. 

But Yeonjun doesn't want to be his best friend. 

He's always going to want something more than that. Even if it hurts to admit those words to himself. 

* * *

Yeonjun knows that he doesn't have to impress Beomgyu anymore. Since they were much younger, the other boy had always stared at him with starry eyes and had told him over and over again, "hyung, you're so cool," or "hyung, how does it feel like to be popular, huh?" A teasing tone wrapped tightly around every syllable, every word and Beomgyu laughs whenever he sees the blush that rises to Yeonjun's cheeks as the older boy nervously runs his fingers down the warmth of his skin. 

("Hyung, you're so cute whenever you blush." 

So many people always say such pretty words to him. But somehow, it's those little compliments from Beomgyu that leaves Yeonjun smiling so hard for the rest of the day.)

It's always been a joke between the two of them though—Yeonjun is known to be popular in their school. Eyes always traced on him, whispers rushing through the hallways like they're always eager to talk about him. He admits that he likes the attention from the other students because it's always nice to see someone walk up to him and tell him that they admire him.

Though that also means that he winds up with confessions that he very gently turns down, an apologetic smile on his lips. He has seen too many times the way someone's shoulders slump in disappointment, masking it with a wobbly smile and teary eyes, thanking him for his time either way.

There's always that twinge of guilt. And for a moment, Yeonjun wonders if it's worth telling Beomgyu what he feels for him. But as he glances at him each and every time, he feels every hesitation and doubt crumble through his fingertips, reminding him that _oh, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to tell him._

But right now, Yeonjun can't say what's in his head and so, he's stumbling to find ways to tell Beomgyu how much he likes him.

Even if he has to end up, _well,_ baby-sitting one of Beomgyu's family friends. 

"For the last time," The brown haired boy standing next to Beomgyu heaves out a sigh, eyes fixated on him with a frown on his lips. "I do _not_ need a babysitter. I'm fifteen years old already—" 

"I don't care how old you are, Niki. I'm not leaving you alone without someone to take care of you." Beomgyu is torn between checking the screen of his phone and scolding the teenager right beside him but somehow, he's managing well in doing two of those tasks. But he's not doing so well in acknowledging Yeonjun's presence, even if the older boy had rushed over to his house at three in the afternoon on a Thursday because _Beomgyu needs help—I need to help him._

At this point, it's just so blatantly obvious how much he likes Beomgyu because for god's sake, the younger boy is the only person that he would be willing to drop anything for. All he expected to do this afternoon was to walk alongside Soobin and buy a coffee from the overpriced café near their university (a little treat that they'd like to do for themselves, even if they're both running too broke for this month's rent).

But the moment he received the text from Beomgyu that only said, _hyung, i need you,_ Yeonjun was already on his way rushing down the stairs of the building's entrance with Soobin running right after him.

"Where are you going?!"

"Beomgyu!" He called over his shoulder, raising his phone as if Soobin could even read the message written on the screen when he's five feet away from him, "He said that he needs me!"

"Wait!"

That's the last that Yeonjun had heard from Soobin before he rushed past a group of college students, apologizing under his breath. He didn't even notice the lingering stares, the lovelorn gazes set on him because he was all too busy thinking about Beomgyu and the reason why he would text him something like that. His mind had raced through hundreds and thousands of possibilities, each and every one of them leaving him breathless as he chased down the answer. 

But he certainly didn't expect _this._

"I'm so, _so_ sorry, hyung."

Beomgyu circles his fingers around his wrist, hastily pulling him away from the teenager before he stares at the older with glassy eyes and his lower lip stuck between his teeth. "I know this is a last minute request and I really didn't expect this to happen because I wanted to spend the day with Niki too but Sunoo needs me to tutor him for an upcoming exam that he has by next week," He pauses, a streak of guilt written across his features before he drops his voice into a murmur, "This could be some extra money for me so I couldn't say no to it."

"Hey, I told you before that if you ever need me, I would run over to you no matter where I am, right?"

"Is that why you were panting when you ran all the way here?"

There's that laugh again—it sounds so full and bright. Like the warmth that slowly wraps itself around the bones of Yeonjun's rib cage, filling him up until he's breathless. It didn't matter to Yeonjun that it's the idea of him running to the ends of the world for him is something that's so amusing for Beomgyu—he likes it. He likes being the reason why Beomgyu lets himself loose in front of him, such a pretty sound of a laugh slipping past his lips.

But he doesn't say that.

He doesn't have the courage to say any of those words these days.

"I wasn't panting," Yeonjun tries to shrug off the observation, teeth sinking slightly onto his lower lip as he lets out a noncommittal grunt, "What did you expect—the university is so far from your house."

He honestly expected a snide remark from the younger boy, knowing that Beomgyu never seemed to run out of those well-crafted insults. Always calling him an idiot in the most affectionate tone, eyes bright and a sickeningly sweet smile written across his features. He's a little devil as Yeonjun would like to say every time someone asks him about how Beomgyu is like.

But right now, he's not doing any of that. He has his head lowered slightly in shame, toeing a scratched up line along the pavement before he murmurs, "I'm sorry, hyung."

Yeonjun can't help but let himself linger in the feeling of guilt that took a hold of him. He lets out a light laugh, trying to ease some of the guilt away from Beomgyu's expression. "Hey, I was just kidding. And besides," He glances over his shoulder, eyeing the brown haired boy that's standing a few feet away from them. "I think it would be fun to hang out with Niki today."

"Thank you, hyung. I promise, this won't take long—Sunoo is a smart kid after all! He'll probably get the hang of the lessons in maybe an hour or two."

Beomgyu is so bright-eyed now and he looks like the weight of the world has finally fallen away from his shoulders. He doesn't seem to be on the edge of the worry and Yeonjun can feel the warmth sinking right through the spaces of his ribcage as a smile lingers on his mouth. It's stupid—he's all caught up in his feelings that sometimes, he can make decisions that he'll never know the consequences of until he's standing right in front of it.

"Anyway, I was supposed to take Niki out for some shopping since I told his parents that I could find him the perfect suit for some dance that they're having but—" Beomgyu hastily lets one of the straps of his backpack slip off from his shoulder so he could rummage through the mess, pulling out his wallet. He thumbs through some bills, pushing them right into Yeonjun's hands with a sweet smile that made Yeonjun stumble right through the tangles of his own feelings. "I trust you, hyung."

"Right," He breathes out a shaky sigh, not quite used to it. "That's fine, just going shopping. I can do that."

Beomgyu only gives him a strange look before he shrugs it off, stepping away with a grin. "I'll see you and Niki tonight!" With that, he's on his feet, running over to the nearest bus stop while Yeonjun can only stare at him from behind with such a lovelorn look that no one would even miss it.

Not even someone like Niki.

"Oh, do you like Beomgyu hyung?"

Yeonjun feels his body fall stiff, his heart racing beneath his chest. Out of all the questions that a teenager like him could unravel slowly, he chose the one that left Yeonjun speechless and grasping for words that have crumbled through the spaces of his fingers. 

"What?" It takes more than a moment before he lets out a scoff, trying his hardest to bury the remnants of his emotions beneath his chest. "Of course I like him. We're _best friends."_ There's a little more emphasis on the last two words—best friends. They've always been best friends and they always will be.

"I don't believe you."

God, he really needs to learn how to be more convincing next time.

Heaving a deep sigh, he faces the other boy with a scrutinizing gaze and a slight frown twisting his lips. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, the way you look at him—you look so lovesick when it comes to him. The entire time you were looking at him is so obvious. And the fact that you ran from the university—"

"I took a bus." Yeonjun weakly interjects but Niki only waves a hand dismissively, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Of course you'd take a bus. But you did run all the way here, didn't you? And the fact that you stayed with me when you barely know me just shows how committed you are in helping Beomgyu hyung." Niki is smiling at him so widely this time around and Yeonjun can't help but feel a little too cornered because of his words. 

Damn it. He didn't know that the conversation would take a turn like this.

Truthfully speaking, when Beomgyu very gently broke the news to him that he needs someone to accompany Niki for today, he felt the dread twist in his stomach. It's not like he's constantly worried about how to talk to someone who's younger than him—most of them like to gaze at him with starry eyes and awestruck looks as Yeonjun very easily breaks through the walls. He even talks to them like how he would when it comes to his friends so there's almost no gap. 

It's just so easy to be friends with someone who's bright and extroverted like Yeonjun. 

But this is different. Niki is a family friend that Beomgyu must have befriended without him knowing because for the first time since a long while, Beomgyu introduced him to someone that he never heard of before. It's not like it's possible for him to completely miss anyone that Beomgyu talked about before—he pays attention in all the times that the younger boy eagerly unraveled about his day.

There's always enough time for Yeonjun to find a common ground and figure out how Beomgyu's other friends can lower their guard around him. But right now, Niki is gazing at him expectantly and Yeonjun's heart has risen to rest at his throat.

Right at that very moment, there's only one common ground for them to carefully step right into—it's Beomgyu.

Yeonjun lets a sigh fall from his lips and finally lets his wall slowly break into pieces. Just enough for Niki to see the flustered expression on his face and the way the heat runs to his cheeks. A look that Beomgyu often misses, even if everyone else around them could see it.

"Well, this is how it all started..."

* * *

"Wow," Niki turns to him, his eyes wide and bright under the sunlight flowing through the open space of the glass dome right above their heads. "You've been friends with him for so long and it took you _that_ long to realize what you're feeling?" 

Yeonjun winces, realizing how much of those years have stretched themselves so thin that he barely noticed it. 

"Yeah, I guess I never realized just how long it was until one of my friends pointed it out for me." 

Yeonjun heaves out a sigh, mindlessly walking along the line that leads up to the shops cornered at the side, doors wide open for them to go through. But his head is still going through the memories, gently picking through every year that had gone past the two of them. All these years, it always felt like it's natural. There's always that joke of him picking favorites and unfortunately for everyone else's sake, it was Beomgyu who owned that title. 

Maybe it was because they've been friends since they crossed paths in their elementary school. They often thought that Beomgyu was far too young for someone like Yeonjun to keep playing with. But so many days have passed by and his friends still winded up seeing him at the playground near their school, pushing Beomgyu on the swings and laughing. 

But the assumption always hung over their heads, even as they grew up.

Yeonjun was growing older and his interests could have collided with Beomgyu's own interests. And for a moment in time, they almost stopped hanging out when they got through high school. Yeonjun could have sworn that his life would have taken a different turn if he didn't attend the school's concert where Beomgyu's band would be playing.

It had been weeks since they stopped talking to each other abruptly. It wasn't their fault—they were too busy with their own things. Beomgyu had his own band and Yeonjun was the captain of the dance team. Of course, it wouldn't be a surprise that they wouldn't have the time to hang out like how they used to when they were little kids.

Yeonjun only realized how much older they've grown when he stood right in the middle of the audience, shoes roughly brushing against the concrete ground. He stared at Beomgyu playing the guitar, eyes bright under the spotlight and god, he looked absolutely stunning on stage that even Yeonjun felt himself become breathless. Though he heard Beomgyu play the guitar for him a few times, it was different to see him playing for other people.

He looked so bright. And for the first time in his life, Yeonjun was afraid that he would burn if he reached out.

Honestly speaking, he was ready to slip away from the school grounds at that time. He didn't even try to look for his friends amongst the students that eagerly watched the show with them. But no matter how crowded it was, it seemed so easy for Beomgyu to find him.

"Hyung!" He let his eyes flicker over his shoulder and he saw him–Beomgyu rushing over to him with a bright smile. Though he was dressed from head to toe in black, his smile was so wide that it took a moment for Yeonjun to gather the thoughts that have fallen away from his mind.

"Yeonjun hyung," He was panting this time as he finally caught up to the older boy. He tugged on Yeonjun's shirt, smiling right at him and Yeonjun could have sworn that there were stars in his eyes. "You came. You really came." 

There were beads of sweat on his forehead, probably because he performed and the crowd was thick a while ago. Yeonjun didn't even think twice to pull his handkerchief out of his pocket, reaching out to gently dab them away with a fond laugh. "Why were you running a while ago? Are you that excited to see me again?"

"I thought," Beomgyu wheezed, cheeks flushed with red as he stared at Yeonjun. His voice lowered into a murmur, the embarrassed tone wrapped tightly around every syllable. "I wouldn't be able to catch up with you because there were so many people around here. I mean, it's been a long time since we talked and I just... yeah."

He could see it—the way Beomgyu deflated the slightest when he realized how much time stretched between them. Yeonjun couldn't help but feel the guilt seep through his ribcage, taking away his breath as he took a step closer. 

It always had been like this. Since Beomgyu was younger than Yeonjun, he always felt a little afraid that the other boy would eventually pull away from him. Find someone else who made him laugh and smile, like how Beomgyu used to when they were much younger.

And so, he started to reach out and tug on the back of Yeonjun's shirt. He was always falling behind Yeonjun because he was shorter than him so sometimes, it was nearly impossible for them to run at the same pace. His words always followed right after, always so bright as he laughed, chasing right after Yeonjun, "Hyung, wait for me!" 

But right at that moment, it didn't feel like that. It felt more like a quiet murmur of, "Hyung, please don't leave me." He was pulling on the back of Yeonjun's shirt like how he had always done years before, staring at him with worry tinted in his eyes and Yeonjun understood him so well at that time.

He wanted to tell him that he shouldn't worry; he should never be worried that Yeonjun would pull away. Yeonjun always found his way back to Beomgyu, in one way or another.

Like a home, isn't it? You never lose your way when you want to come home. 

"Come on," Yeonjun wrapped an arm around his shoulder, pulling him in closer against his side. Beomgyu naturally let his arm slide around Yeonjun's waist, smiling back at him as the older boy ruffled his hair with a laugh. "Let hyung treat you for some ice cream, okay?"

"What's the catch?"

"You need to tell me about your band, of course." 

Beomgyu had stars in his eyes and it was so beautiful. Yeonjun didn't say them out loud though—but he couldn't stop himself from gazing at the younger boy with a lovesick look in his eyes. He didn't know that that night would be the start of everything again.

All he knew back then was that they're best friends. Like they always had been and always will be.

"Okay, hyung."

"Hey,"

Yeonjun blinks hastily, staring right back at Niki. The younger boy is gazing at him with an arched brow, pointing at the sign of the shop hanging at the top. "Aren't you going in?" He didn't even realize that they've been standing in front of the entrance for so long, causing the heat to rise to his cheeks when he sees the staff staring at him in concern.

"Yeah, sorry."

They drift past the doors of the shop, eyeing the suits lined up. He felt the corners of his mouth twitch when he caught sight of a black tux that looked strangely close to the one that Beomgyu had bought for himself when they went to their own dance together. Beomgyu was also the one who dragged him all day in the mall, trying on tuxedos with him and asking Yeonjun what would look best on him.

Yeonjun didn't even hesitate to say, "You look perfect in anything you wear, Gyu-yah." He only realized what he said when he glanced over his shoulder and caught sight of Beomgyu facing the mirror, his cheeks so flushed with red as he stared at Yeonjun through the glass.

The older boy had to settle down with a sigh and tell him what he thought was the best tuxedo that Beomgyu could afford at that moment. Beomgyu was so happy that it became easy for Yeonjun to brush his own words under the rug, eager not to relive the memory.

And he certainly did _not_ need to relieve it again for today.

"Uh, I don't know where to start."

It's the first time that he sees Niki slowly break away from his confident self, eyeing the line of suits with a frown. Yeonjun only takes one glance at them before he crosses the distance, pushing through the racks and hastily taking out some of the tuxedos that he thinks would fit the younger boy.

"Try them on and I'll tell you what looks best."

Niki struggles to carry three of the suits but he nods his head obediently, scurrying over to the dressing room to try them on. Yeonjun stays outside, giving him the privacy that he needs as he stares at the emptiness of the store in front of him. It seems like they're the only ones who decided to go shopping at four in the afternoon for suits.

"Yeonjun hyung."

It startles him to hear Niki calling out to him through the door, his voice a little muffled before it becomes clearer. "Can I ask you something? Since you know, you got a lot of experience when it comes to... _crushes."_

Yeonjun scrunches up his face at the sound of the last word. He's not sure of how teenagers like to deal with their own feelings nowadays but maybe he can sift through his own memories with Beomgyu to find an answer.

"Okay, shoot." 

"How did you figure out that you like Beomgyu hyung? You know, more than a friend?" 

Yeonjun falls quiet at the sound of his words, teeth catching onto his lower lip. He knows exactly the moment when he started to see Beomgyu in a different light—the record store. The fairy lights hanging at the ceiling. The pretty smile drawn across Beomgyu's lips as he hastily reached out, pulling Yeonjun along for a dance right in the middle of the store, telling him, "Come on, hyung, dance with me!"

It was so hard to forget that because right after Beomgyu had gone home, Yeonjun spent the rest of the day thinking and thinking. All that he could ever think about was how lovely Beomgyu looked under the lights and how he wouldn't mind seeing him like that for the rest of the days of their lives.

But of course, he's not so sure that he could say those words out loud to a fifteen year old kid.

"Well, it just sort of happened."

"What do you mean?" 

Yeonjun shifts from one foot to another as Niki pushes past the door, staring at him. The older boy eyes the suit—it hangs too long on his frame and so with a sigh, he hastily pushes him back inside. "Go change into the other two and let me see how you look." 

"Hey! You didn't answer my question."

Niki grumbles as he locks the door while Yeonjun stays by the side. He lets a laugh spill from his lips as he leans against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to say how he found out about it—Niki probably wouldn't rush over to Beomgyu and tell him what Yeonjun had told him, right?

"We were in the record store that day. Beomgyu wanted to buy a vinyl record so we went looking through the records there and even played some songs. There were some people around that day but that didn't stop him from dancing around and he even told me to dance with him. And... "

Yeonjun falters after that, cheeks burning as he goes through the hazy memories. Even after all that, it's Beomgyu's smile that looks awfully bright that it hurts to think about it.

"And what?"

"Everything just _clicked._ Everything suddenly made so much sense and now, I just can't go back to how I used to feel for him before," Yeonjun stares at his shoes, heaving out a soft sigh right after, "I think I've always felt it. I think I liked him for so long but I didn't know what it was so I tried to ignore it. But I can't do it anymore."

"Oh," There's a shuffling of shoes in the dressing room, a quiet and muffled sound echoing of the fabric being pulled on before Niki speaks up again, "I didn't know that you like him _that_ much."

"I try not to talk about it because my friends will _never_ let me live it down."

Yeonjun says dryly, earning a laugh from the younger boy. There's the sound of footsteps before Niki pushes past through the door, making his way over to the mirror to check himself out.

As much as Yeonjun wants to say that it doesn't fit him, he sinks his teeth on his tongue just enough to stop himself from saying anything. If Niki likes it then he wouldn't mind buying it for him now though he feels like the younger boy could do much, _much_ better than that. 

"I understand that though."

"You do?" Yeonjun perks up, clearly caught up in his words as he gazes at Niki with narrowed eyes. "Do you like someone right now, Niki?"

All he receives as a reply is a flustered look on the younger boy, eyes wide as the heat rushes to his cheeks. He can't even gaze directly at Yeonjun as he tries to scoff, shrugging his shoulders in the most dismissive way he could ever do. "What are you saying? I don't like anyone."

"Niki."

"Fine! I like someone—" Niki grunts, turning to him with a scowl before it disappears. He heaves out a sigh as he nervously tugs on the jacket of the tux, still not having enough courage to look at Yeonjun directly. "And it's the boy that Beomgyu hyung is tutoring right now."

"The kid that Beomgyu is tutoring—" Yeonjun shifts through his memories just hours ago, eyes widening once he finds the name as he gazes at him with wide eyes. "Sunoo?"

"Shh, don't say his name out loud!"

"They're not even here!"

"You don't know that!" Niki waves his hands dismissively, making his way back to the dressing room so he could change into the third suit that Yeonjun had gingerly picked out for him a while ago. It takes a moment before the brown haired boy speaks though it's more of a grumble, "We've been seeing each other a lot these days. I'm just so..."

"Frustrated?"

There's the sound of fabric shifting before a quiet voice answers back, "Yeah, I guess that's right."

"Is that why you're asking me how I knew I liked Beomgyu?"

The silence stretches itself so thin that Yeonjun feels the worry sink through the spaces of his ribs. He doesn't want to overstep any boundaries that Niki has set out and so, he lets himself indulge in the sound of the quietness. But it doesn't last so long between them, of course.

"Sunoo hyung has been my friend since I was six years old. I just moved from Japan and the only person I knew was Beomgyu hyung but I heard he was busy playing with other kids around his age."

Yeonjun feels the corners of his mouth twitch. It's always a nice memory to think about whenever he remembers how his childhood had played itself out.

"So, I ended up playing alone most of the time until one of our neighbors decided to visit us. Sunoo hyung was the one who found me in my room that day and we just _clicked._ It's like everything made absolute sense for us. Ever since that day, we have become inseparable." He can hear the fondness in Niki's tone and Yeonjun just _knew_ right then and there. No one can speak with that certain affectionate tone without any feelings buried deep beneath.

He knows because he heard himself talk whenever someone would bring up Beomgyu in any conversation he ever had. It's something that he carries with him—something that's so familiar like the lines running across his palm that it's impossible to miss it when someone else says it out loud.

Like how Niki talks about Sunoo. It's an unparalleled kind of affection and fondness for someone else—someone who's more than a friend to him.

"You sound like you really like him."

"I _know._ " Niki grumbles and once again, there's a shuffling of fabric before he speaks though there's a strangled tone around his words this time, "I've known it since like, months ago. But I don't know what I should do."

"Confess to him."

He doesn't know why those words have spilled from his lips. Yeonjun doesn't like saying any advice that he himself could never follow through but right now, it just made absolute sense to say them. But now that they're written out loud in the atmosphere, Yeonjun can feel how heavy those words are as they lay themselves upon his shoulders.

_Confess to him, confess to him, confess to him._

"What?"

Niki finally pushes past the door though he hasn't tucked in his dress shirt. But he's staring at Yeonjun with narrowed eyes, like he can't believe what he just said out loud.

"What did you say?"

"I said, confess to him. You've been liking him for so long so why shouldn't you take the first step?" 

Niki laughs this time around, slipping back into the dressing room as he finishes up in getting dressed right into the third suit. "That's a lot coming from someone who's been pining over his own best friend for years now."

"Hey!" Yeonjun feels the heat rush quickly to his cheeks, breathing out a shaky sigh. He crosses his arms over his chest, a little defensive as he stares down at his shoes. "I'll tell Beomgyu what I feel about him. _Soon."_

He expected another snide remark from the younger boy but instead, there's only the sound of the buttons fastening themselves, a jacket being thrown on. His voice does resound clearly afterward, like it's a matter of stating the obvious. 

"You should, hyung. I think it wouldn't hurt to tell Beomgyu hyung how you feel, especially _this_ has been going on for years." Then his voice becomes smaller, a little quieter that Yeonjun could have missed his words if he wasn't listening closely.

"At least one of us gets to confess what they've been feeling this whole time."

Yeonjun furrows his eyebrows, feeling like he's hanging on the edge of those words. It feels wrong that they're leaving the conversation like that—he feels like Niki should at least take a step closer right after this trip. Tell Sunoo how he had been dealing with these emotions for quite some time already.

It's the right thing to do, isn't it?

"If you can't confess to him then why don't you start off by asking him to the dance with you?"

"Will he even say yes to me?"

Right after that question slips out, Niki steps out of the dressing room and finally faces Yeonjun with a worried glance. But Yeonjun doesn't notice it—he only gazes at how the suit is perfectly tailored for his frame as he stands tall. It's like it's made just for him.

With a bright smile, he pats Niki's shoulder as he gently pushes him over the mirror so he could see for himself. 

"It wouldn't hurt to try, right?"

Niki takes one long and hard look at the mirror, quietly assessing the suit fit around his frame. He feels his lips twitch the slightest as he raises his gaze, finally meeting Yeonjun's eyes.

"Maybe."

* * *

They've gone home right after Yeonjun bought him the suit, as well as a cup of ice cream that he generously treated for the other boy. He's broke right now but it's always nice to see someone's face light up in happiness whenever he buys them a sweet treat every now and then.

They made themselves comfortable at the bus stop near Beomgyu's house, waiting for the younger boy to finally show up like how he promised them. It took half an hour before a bus finally rolls down the road and it's amusing to see Beomgyu bolting right out of his seat, hair disheveled as he hastily slings the strap of his backpack on his shoulder.

"Hyung!" Beomgyu rushes down the stairs, nearly collapsing right into Yeonjun when the older boy stands up to greet him. He does sling his arms around his waist, as if done out of habit before he smiles at Yeonjun—the same smile that he always wears whenever he catches sight of him.

"I'm so sorry for being so late. We had to go through a lot of topics for Sunoo's exam." He pulls away, glancing at Niki with worried eyes this time. "Are you okay? Did you buy your suit?"

"Of course, Gyu-yah. I bought him the nicest suit in the store so don't be too worried."

Yeonjun gently brushes his fingers along the expanse of Beomgyu's back, feeling the younger boy slowly relax as he leans a little against his frame. He always does this—he says that Yeonjun is always such a comfort to someone like him and Yeonjun is more than happy to calm him down every time he needs it.

"Okay, I guess we should go home."

He can feel Beomgyu hesitating as he pulls away from Yeonjun's embrace, glancing at him with a hopeful glint in his eyes. "Do you want to stay over for dinner?"

Yeonjun knows what he said out loud a while ago. 

_Confess to him. You've been liking him for so long so why shouldn't you take the first step?_

But right now, the words are still too rough around the edges and he's afraid. He's afraid that he might say the wrong words and further push the other boy away unknowingly. There's already a gap between them since they've been so busy these days so they rarely talk but somehow, Yeonjun's feelings haven't dwindled down. He's worried that the gap might even be bigger if he confesses the ache in his chest.

And so, he shakes his head slightly and offers an apologetic smile at the younger boys in front of him. "It's fine, I still have to head home with dinner since I did promise Soobin that I would have a meal with him."

"Oh." Is that disappointment in Beomgyu's tone? Or is Yeonjun reading too much into things again?

"That's okay! We can have dinner next time, hyung. We'll see you!"

Beomgyu hastily leaves, almost leaving Niki behind. The brown haired boy only heaves out a sigh before giving him another knowing look before he says his goodbyes too. But even as the two have rounded the corner of the street, Yeonjun falls back onto the seat in the bus shelter, burying his face in his hands.

He made another stupid decision, didn't he?

* * *

> **[niki, 23:45]** yeonjun hyung?
> 
> **[niki, 23:45]** i finally asked sunoo hyung to the dance
> 
> **[niki, 23:46]** he said yes :)
> 
> **[yeonjun, 23:48]** i'm so proud of you, kid
> 
> **[yeonjun, 23:48]** i hope you two have fun at the dance!
> 
> **[niki, 23:49]** thanks, hyung :) 
> 
> **[niki, 23:49]** also, i know it's not my place to overstep my boundaries here
> 
> **[niki, 23:50]** but i really think that you should tell beomgyu hyung what you feel
> 
> **[niki, 23:51]** he deserves to hear the truth from you, at least. instead of you avoiding him. it makes him think that you hate him. 

Yeonjun stares at the screen for far too long before he slowly gathers the courage remaining in the spaces of his chest, breathing out a shaky sigh. 

> **[yeonjun, 23:51]** i'm not avoiding him because i hate him
> 
> **[niki, 23:52]** i know but he's starting to feel that way, hyung

He doesn't have the energy to reply anymore and so, he falls back into his own bed, staring up at the ceiling. The words reside in his throat, scratching deeply at his ribs and leaving him more breathless than before.

_At least one of us gets to confess what they've been feeling this whole time._

Yeonjun lets out a little chuckle as those words resurface in his head. Niki is right—one of them did confess their feelings.

Once again, it's _not_ Yeonjun.

* * *

And that brings them to _now._

Yeonjun didn't waste a second the day after, hurriedly calling him after spending the night tossing and turning in his bed sheets. It took a few rings before Beomgyu answered, his voice still thick with sleep as he suppressed a yawn.

"Hyung, why are you calling me at six in the morning?"

"Do you want to go for a drink later?"

There was a heartbeat of a silence before a quiet giggle left Beomgyu's lips, sounding a little brighter now. "You're already thinking about drinking when it's only six in the morning, hyung?"

Yeonjun became tongue-tied, cheeks flushed as he stumbled through his words, "Oh, I just—"

"But I'd love to get a drink with you, hyung. It's been a long time since we last got together and had a proper talk."

Yeonjun felt the words press in his throat. They sounded so familiar—like the words that Beomgyu had nervously uttered to him out loud that one night, right after the concert. His hand wrapped around the edge of Yeonjun's shirt, staring at him with so many uncertainties and nervousness.

"I'm sorry."

He said softly like it was a passing thought. Beomgyu fell quiet after that before he spoke again, the fondness wrapped around his tone.

"It's okay, hyung. I know that the two of us have been so busy these days." There was the sound of sheets being pushed aside before a low thud against the hardwood floor echoed through the phone. "I'll see you tonight, Yeonjunie hyung."

With that, the phone call ended and Yeonjun was left staring at the wallpaper that was slowly being torn away from the corners. It was only six in the morning and yet, he felt like his world was already shifting, ready to fall down the edge. He knew that tonight, it might tip over and break into a thousand pieces once he sees the light in Beomgyu's eyes slowly fade away as the words, _I like you, Beomgyu,_ fall from Yeonjun's lips.

But Beomgyu deserves to hear the truth, doesn't he?

As Yeonjun sits right in front of him, their knees almost touching beneath the small table, his heart is beating rapidly against his chest. It echoes like a sound that he had gotten so used to hearing but even then, it left him with a scratched up throat and words that lay heavily between his fingers. 

He wants to listen to Beomgyu talk right now but it feels like something heavy is pressing against his chest that it hurts. It's the first time in a while that made everything in him hurt so much. 

"Hyung, he's so great." Beomgyu's eyes are bright under the light bulb hanging over their heads and Yeonjun can't help but be mesmerized by him. "He's so wonderful like god, I don't have words to describe because I don't think it's possible to even do that." 

"Really?" Yeonjun forces a smile along his lips as he hastily downs the shot of soju in front of him. He doesn't even wait for Beomgyu before he grabs the bottle by its neck, filling it up just enough. "He sounds amazing, Gyu-yah."

"Oh, he is! He's such a great dancer—I think he's the best dancer out there! Every time he gets on the stage, it's so easy to get captivated by his performance. Everyone always had his eyes on him because he's like that. It's easy to get swept up in someone like him because he makes everything so much brighter."

Beomgyu's voice becomes softer, like the sadness is already wrapping itself around his words. He's staring at the patterns drawn across his table before he heaves out a sigh. "I don't think he'd ever notice me."

"What are you talking about?" Yeonjun downs the shot again before he talks, voice a little rougher. "You're amazing, Beomgyu. Anyone would be so lucky to even have a fraction of your heart because you've got so much love in you. You make everyone feel so loved, Gyu-yah."

_And I wish I still have some space in your heart, even if it's only a fraction._

Beomgyu doesn't respond as he glances at the shot glass in his hand. He turns his head away and downs in, wincing slightly as the burning alcohol runs down his throat. It takes a very long heartbeat of a silence before he finally curves his lips into a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Then how come you still haven't felt it?"

"What?"

Another laugh falls from the younger boy's lips before he stares at Yeonjun with glassy eyes. The light is fading fast from his bright gaze and for a moment, Yeonjun loses sight of the stars in them.

"Hyung, I like you. I like you so much that it _hurts."_

It's funny—alcohol always left them talking and talking until the silence is no longer a friend that they're acquainted with. But right now, silence feels more like a friend that lingers in between the words and thoughts running through their heads. 

It doesn't take long before it eventually resonates between them so loudly that Yeonjun can feel his ears ringing. The only sounds that accompanied them that night is the sound of endless conversations, chopsticks hitting the edges of the bowls and shot glasses brushing against the surface of the table. But even then, Yeonjun can't focus on anything else but the sight of the sadness slowly taking over Beomgyu's expression, like he's been expecting this response from him.

"For how long?"

Yeonjun is the one who breaks the silence, searching for any semblance of what they used to be before this happened. Beomgyu only lets his lips twitch into a smile before he gently nudges forward his shot glass over to Yeonjun's own glass, eyeing them for a second.

"Since the night I saw you in the audience. When I ran down to greet you and you smiled at me, I just knew right then and there."

For that long? He's been liking him for _that_ long?

"Oh."

Yeonjun is caught breathless and he's stupefied. He has so many things that he wants to say to him but right now, the silence is wrapped tightly around his throat. His head is so loud with the thoughts that keep on relentlessly echoing at every corner.

"Is that really all you have to say, hyung? _Oh?"_

"No! It's not like that." Yeonjun reaches out as he hastily holds Beomgyu's hands. 

It's so warm—everything about Beomgyu is just so bright and warm. He used to be so afraid that if he reached out to him, he would burn. But Beomgyu is right in front of him, looking at him with so many uncertainties and worries and Yeonjun doesn't care if he would burn.

"I just didn't know what to say. I mean—"

"You know," Beomgyu releases a shaky sigh, blinking rapidly to clear his blurry vision as his gaze falls on Yeonjun, "If you're going to reject me, I won't take it personally—"

"No, I like you, Beomgyu. I like you just as much." They fall still at the same time; Beomgyu is staring at him with wide eyes and he feels the way he tightens his hold around Yeonjun's words. Like he couldn't believe what he just heard that spilled past his lips.

"What? Since when? How come I never notice it?"

This time, Yeonjun finally lets himself loose—a laugh falling from his lips as he squeezes Beomgyu's hand with a wide smile. "I guess the others weren't wrong when they said that you're really oblivious sometimes."

"Hey!"

"You are," Yeonjun is laughing this time and his chest feels so, _so_ light. So much lighter than he ever felt over the years. "I called you pretty so many times. I lent you my clothes and bought you snacks even if I'm broke. Hell, our friends got fed up with the way I'm acting that they took it upon themselves to confess my feelings about you." 

Beomgyu gasps as the puzzle pieces of everything that ever happened finally clicked into place. It made so much sense why Yeonjun always looked at him with stars in his eyes. Or held his hand a lot and constantly held him close whenever Beomgyu would feel too tired from studying all day long. Or the way he never once failed to drop anything for him, whenever the younger boy needed him, even in the most trivial things.

How could he have missed all of that? 

"Why didn't you tell me?" 

"I did! Countless times already but it always ends the same—" Yeonjun leans forward and scrunches his expression, trying his best not to burst out laughing as he copies Beomgyu's voice. "Of course Yeonjun hyung likes me! We're best friends!" 

_Right,_ he did say that. But even then, Beomgyu scowls at him in a failed attempt to look annoyed. Although the sight of Yeonjun smiling at him, looking much brighter than he ever did—it's so impossible not to feel like his heart would crash against his ribcage. It's like after all these years, his heart finally fell into a rhythm that he found so familiar and at home with. 

It's easy like that—it's always been when it comes to the two of them.

"I've always thought that you'd catch on but you know what," Yeonjun reaches out, cold fingers pressing against the curve of Beomgyu's cheeks. He looks at him with eyes full of love and Beomgyu can't help but feel drawn to him even more.

Everything made sense for them. It's like a home that they'll always come back to, no matter what.

"The wait is always going to be worth it when it comes to you."

* * *

("See, I told you."

Yeonjun can't help but roll his eyes, even if his roommate can't see him through the darkness blanketing over the tiny living room. The only source of faint light is the lamp sitting next to the small couch that barely had enough leg room for the two of them.

"Fine, I get it." Yeonjun picks up the discarded shirt on the floor and hastily throws it on the couch instead. "Beomgyu liked me just as much as I liked him. Now, stop telling it to me over and over again, Soobin. I've been dating him for three weeks already."

"You should have believed me the very first time. I told you that kid looks at you like you're his whole world."

Yeonjun is thankful that it's so dark right now because his cheeks are flushed red as he pushes past Soobin to head over to his own room. "I know that now."

"But I noticed it first!"

Another heavy sigh falls from his lips. Soobin just loves being the right one these days, most especially since the older boy consistently refused to give up his side of the argument. He rolls his eyes and grabs hold of the doorknob of his bedroom.

"Good night, Soobin."

"Hey, you never paid me back when I lent you money to buy alcohol—!"

The rest of his words fall into nothingness as Yeonjun lets the door fall, drowning everything else out. He laughs though, knowing that the argument is just going to bring itself back the next day.

But tonight, he has better plans for himself.

"Hyung," Beomgyu lets out a yawn, burying his face against the bedsheets. He stares at him, eyes halfway to falling shut as Yeonjun settles down next to him.

"Why are you awake? Go back to sleep."

"I woke up and you weren't beside me." Beomgyu draws out, earning a lighthearted laugh from Yeonjun. He slowly slips right next to him, letting Beomgyu snuggle close against his body as he rests his head against his chest. It feels wonderful for them to be this close—like their hearts finding their rhythm again, like they always do.

"Go to sleep."

"I'll sleep if you promise me that you'll stay beside me for the rest of the night."

Yeonjun can't stop himself from breaking into a wide smile. He reaches out to delicately brush away his dark strands before leaning to press a soft kiss on his forehead. This time, Yeonjun holds even closer, letting Beomgyu find the comfort that he always looked for in Yeonjun.

How nice it is that Yeonjun found his comfort, his home right in the arms of the boy who owned his heart since years ago.

He wouldn't have it any other way.

"I promise.")

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! feel free to talk to me in [twitter.](http://twitter.com/yeomgyus)


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